Home about me Real Talk: Parenting Is Kicking My Butt.

Can We Talk? Parenting can be rough.

 

Seems like the past few weeks, months, perhaps years have been hard. Like crazy hard. I’ve been dealing with this reality privately because I was convinced that surely–this had to be a ME problem. I am constantly trying to figure out what I am doing wrong…why don’t I have a handle on the situation? Why aren’t my tactics both invented and/or learned…working?

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I now am in the very exclusive and intense club called Special Needs Parent. Unfortunately there is a lot of other titles that come along with this:

  • Always frustrated parent
  • Tired AF Parent
  • ALWAYS ON CALL PARENT
  • Frustrated beyond belief parent
  • always researching parent
  • always overwhelmed parent

…and so many more.

My anxiety is higher than ever.

When I had children I knew I had one job and one job only. Make sure they are decent humans. That’s all. Everything else can be worked on. Except it can’t.

My son is having a really, really difficult time in school. Before you even suggest it, no, I am not homeschooling. I know myself, and she is not a homeschooler. The next thing you may think is try a new school–I tried for weeks to get him enrolled in a new school this year. Finding a decent, free, non public school in Brooklyn is just about impossible. (I need to disclose that I find nothing wrong with public schools, I went to public school. That type of large environment would only be detrimental to him.)

His second grade year was atrocious. Before being diagnosed and treated with medication I was was getting a phone call every.single.day to pick him up and/or calm him down. I am not exaggerating when I say everyday. Just finished a post and feeling good? Phone call. Just arrived to the gym across town? Phone call. Trying to take a nap because anxiety had me all the way up all night without a wink of sleep? Phone call.

His new medication is costly. I won’t go into specifics but even the pharmacist did a double take on the price and felt bad taking my credit card for payment. It helps, a little, but lately the same things are starting to happen again.

I’ve spent my money, my mothers money and all the time in the world trying to make this situation better. It can be extremely isolating to have these issues when you go to a playdate and see other “normal” kids existing in glee and innocent wonder.

I’ve cried so many tears.

The support from my very close family, and very close friends has been really helpful. It has. However at the end of the day I am his mother. I am the one that has to face the offended parent. I am the one that has to receive the daily phone calls. Calm the child when there is no calm inside of me. Wager whether or not he can handle attending an event. When I am away, or networking at an event–I’m the one, in the corner, trying to calm my child down from miles away.

I’m tired. From my bones.

Hitting wall after wall…is painful. Knowing that your child, the one that YOU are responsible for is causing all of this havoc and you literally have no idea why (most days HE has no idea why) is extremely exhausting. My entrepreneur dreams have come to halt. The blog keeps me going by the grace of God but my full time job has become caring for him, every minute and every hour.

I want nothing more than to see him win. He is such an intelligent, caring and incredibly thoughtful little boy. He wants good for every single person he meets. Unfortunately his impulses and reactions to situations can be harsh. It becomes a very difficult situation. Impossible even.

I try hard every single day.

Everyday. Some days there are so many tears, some days there are so many laughs. Every single day I try. And that is really all I can do.

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21 comments

Allie September 21, 2017 - 5:51 am

I am driving to Brooklyn to hug you. Seriously mama. I hear you. I love you. And you are doing everything RIGHT. Kids are the hardest thing ever without special needs and, of course, everything falls to mom because we are supposed to be “the rock.” But what happens when the rock splits? I know you have an incredible support system with your husband and family but, some day I’m sure even that is not enough. My heart aches for you as a mom who has had her share of phone calls from the principal in three very short years of school! Please reach out and lean on me if there is ever anything I can do. You are not alone and you are not the only mom who feels like this! xoxoxoxo

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Nellie September 21, 2017 - 1:43 pm

Thank you so much for the love friend. I appreciate you so much!

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Janine Huldie September 21, 2017 - 7:26 am

Nellie, parenting can tough under even the best of circumstances and can totally 110% agree with you there. My heart truly goes out to you with the added stress that you have been going through with your older son. Seriously, I have no words just so much love, support and friendship for you. Truly thinking of you and just know you are amazing mama, who is just doing her best. I know it may not seem like it right about now, but I know in my heart you are now and always have. Hugs and if you need anything even just to vent I am a message away, my friend <3

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Nellie September 21, 2017 - 1:45 pm

Thank you so much Janine! I appreciate you!!

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Lashawn September 21, 2017 - 11:07 am

Listen. If I could get in my car right now to drive up and do anything for you ( clean cook, give you copious amounts of wine) I would. You are doing the BEST you can and that is enough even on the days when you feel like you can’t. Hug hugs and more hugs. ❤️

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Nellie September 21, 2017 - 1:45 pm

Did someone say wine?? <3 Thank you babe. You have been there for me so much!

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Tamara September 21, 2017 - 11:44 am

Oh boy.. what you want more than anything – to see him WIN – it WILL happen, especially with you in his corner.
I don’t know the specific issue but you described the day to day of it so well. You’re an incredible mama and I wish I lived closer because I’d cook for you weekly! Well.. let’s be honest. I’d have Cassidy do it like he does so much of my blog stuff!! (shhh)

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Nellie September 21, 2017 - 1:46 pm

Yes, I didn’t say it just out of privacy for him. if you ever want to discuss you can let me know 😉 Shoutout to husbands that help!

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Kita September 21, 2017 - 12:09 pm

It’s tough being a parent! I have to take a moment to myself daily because it’s like if I don’t I end up upset and I transfer that onto the kids. We can’t do it all and I am just now accepting that I need help. He will win because he has an awesome mom!

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Nellie September 21, 2017 - 1:47 pm

Yeah that is definitely the hardest part….not transferring that onto the kids.

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Aliah September 21, 2017 - 12:15 pm

Parenting is tough. The toughest job EVER. If someone tells you otherwise they can kick rocks with open toe shoes on.
All joking aside, I’m so sorry you and little man (and your family) are going through this. He is such an incredible kid. It must be so hard right now. I’m sending you strength and light but I know you will get through this Supermom-you are his your sons’ biggest advocates and it shows and it will make all the difference. I’m here if you need me or if need a respite to the country!

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Nellie September 21, 2017 - 1:48 pm

It’s super difficult but talking about it has helped tremendously. Thank you for your kinds words always.

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Andrea Bates September 21, 2017 - 1:19 pm

Oh, hon, it’s so danged hard. Listening to our hearts when it comes to our kids is critical. But also draining and exhausting. You are human. Moms are made to manage any and everything. But we’re human, and we’re going to struggle and feel like we’ve failed. But we keep pushing forward and pressing on and doing the best we can for our family. You are amazing. I wish I could zap over and hug you, but you know my. Mom would if you need her!!! XO

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Nellie September 21, 2017 - 1:49 pm

Your moms hugs are pretty magical so I will keep that in my back pocket. Thank you love, you have been an ear more than once and I appreciate you

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Bernetta September 21, 2017 - 2:57 pm

I too wish I could drive up to your neck of the woods and give you the biggest hug. Parenting is a true experience and a lifetime job, with many great days but seems like quite a few not so great days either. I am praying for you and your family.

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Kimberly September 21, 2017 - 9:34 pm

Girl. All I want to do is hold you tight and tell you that you’re a phenomenal mother. I’m not a mom so I can’t claim or pretend that I know what you’re going through – but I can and will pray for you and your family. ❤️

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De bolton September 21, 2017 - 10:44 pm

I don’t want to pretend I understand because this is your story. I do want to commend you Mama doing and being the best you can be and putting out there for other Mamas to see “It’s not just me,” is welcomed in this “perfect mom/kid” world. Thank you

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Quirky Homemaker September 22, 2017 - 7:12 am

Prayers for you and your son. It sounds like a very difficult situation for you guys. I don’t have any special needs here and I’m barely holding my s**t together! Hugs to you and thanks for sharing.

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Michelle September 22, 2017 - 10:28 am

Oh I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I tell you that I struggle with the whole parenting thing on many days without the additional challenges you’re facing so I feel for you. You are doing the best that you can and that is amazing. It may not seem like it right now, but things will come together.

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Anonymous September 23, 2017 - 8:33 pm

I have a son who does not have a diagnosis but who is very intense. When he was in grade school our entire family spent literally HOURS every single night sobbing, fighting, yelling, my son throwing things, breaking (so many) things, running out of the house — just trying to get 15 minutes of homework done. I felt like every interaction he and I had was negative. I felt embarrassed by his behavior and guilty for being embarrassed by my son. I wondered what I was doing wrong. At the time a cousin of mine helped so much by telling me this: Your biggest job is just to love him, and make sure he knows you love him. I tried — but most often did not succeed — to have three positive things come out of my mouth for every one negative thing.
Another thing that helped tremendously, and still helps, is my faith in God — “You will keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because she trusts in You.” ~Isaiah 26:3 Today my son is 17, a senior in high school, has a job and good friends. In these days of perfect-parent-and-perfect-kid posts all over the internet, I am proud of you for your courageous honesty. You will get through this and so will your son and your whole family. Slow and steady progress sometimes doesn’t *feel* like progress but when you look back you will see it. Way to go, Mom. You are awesome and so is your son.

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StepHanie September 23, 2017 - 9:15 pm

It is definitely the most challenging job I have ever volunteered for. Sending you hugs. We have just begun this journey with my boy child and realize I could be writing a post like this in the future. Thank you for sharing because you are truly not the only one. ?

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