I’ve got a strong case of imposter syndrome. To be honest with you it is taking over my entire life. This imposter syndrome is not only painful it is also chronic and it is completely blinding.
Wikipedia definition: Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
I have openly been suffering with this imposter syndrome for 7 long blogging years. Even through all of my accomplishments, the accolades, and everything that I’ve done–I barely have enough confidence in myself to continue.
It’s been 2 1/2 years since I decided to do this blogging thing full time and become an entrepreneur. When I first started I had this amazing fire, I had all of these amazing plans. All of the free time to create from my heart was right at my fingertips. This same fire is there, but not nearly as big as it was back then.
I fell into the trap of comparing myself to pretty much everyone. Every time someone had a win I’d wonder do I have what it takes to get to that level? Or even worse I told myself that I simply did not have the juice to have that kind of success.
Meanwhile I was having tons of success on my own I was able to maintain a steady income being a blogger. You would think with every single press trip or with every big contract that I would continue to push forward and do even bigger things. To be completely honest with you once the magic of the new contract or the trip wore off it was like I was right back at square one again. Wondering if this was really for me, or not.
Honestly I can admit that another part of this was lack of recognition from some of my peers in the industry. My inner circle support system is awesome, but there were certain people I found myself desperate to impress. For some reason, I needed them to understand that not only was I good at what I do, I was a force to be reckoned with. I never got that validation from them, and I realized that I could no longer wait for it. Nor did I need it. None of these people provided me income, and I had done well this whole time without their stamp of approval. Once I let that go, it was just another step towards complete creative freedom.
The wild part is that I have a million ideas. I am constantly creating in my mind, I have a very full well of ideas to choose from literally 24/7. Being a creative is so easy and natural for me, and being in this space has been one of the most freeing and natural “jobs” I’ve ever had. The problem is that the imposter syndrome monster shoots every idea down. She is a real piece of work, she says things like: “People wouldn’t like that” “So and so would do that way better than you” or my favorite “who do you think you are? Insertbigbloggernamehere” It’s mind boggling how many ideas I have shot down before I ever gave them a chance to live.
In 2019, I am vowing to let go of the Imposter Syndrome.
It won’t be easy, and I am ready to fail–a lot–but I’m also ready to succeed. I’m ready to learn, stretch and grow into the creative that I know I am. I am determined to believe in myself and my ability to spread my message (and personality) to the world. I will stifle the negative voices once and for all. I will try new, radical ideas that I’ve always wanted to execute. I will stop second guessing myself. If it feels good, I will do/write/create whatever my heart tells me to, regardless of what everyone else is doing around me.
It’s so easy to get caught up in what is happening around us, in other people’s success, in trends, in doubt. It’s so easy to fall in line with all of the other soldiers. I urge you, my creative friends, step out of line in 2019. Do what you naturally want to do but are terrified to start. Imposter Syndrome is real. It’s incredibly powerful. The best part is, we can fight it by doing all the things we tell ourselves we can’t. Even if we fail, we are doing honest soul-driven work.
Here is to leveling up in 2019 and beyond.
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