Home about me I Suffer From Imposter Syndrome, Here Is How I’m Ending It Once And For All

I Suffer From Imposter Syndrome, Here Is How I’m Ending It Once And For All

by Nellie

I’ve got a strong case of imposter syndrome. To be honest with you it is taking over my entire life. This imposter syndrome is not only painful it is also chronic and it is completely blinding.

Wikipedia definition: Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

I have openly been suffering with this imposter syndrome for 7 long blogging years. Even through all of my accomplishments, the accolades, and everything that I’ve done–I barely have enough confidence in myself to continue.

It’s been 2 1/2 years since I decided to do this blogging thing full time and become an entrepreneur. When I first started I had this amazing fire, I had all of these amazing plans. All of the free time to create from my heart was right at my fingertips. This same fire is there, but not nearly as big as it was back then.

I fell into the trap of comparing myself to pretty much everyone. Every time someone had a win I’d wonder do I have what it takes to get to that level? Or even worse I told myself that I simply did not have the juice to have that kind of success.

Imposter Syndrome is one of the toughest things to overcome. It's so hard! I've got a plan to tackle it and end it once and for all.

Meanwhile I was having tons of success on my own I was able to maintain a steady income being a blogger. You would think with every single press trip or with every big contract that I would continue to push forward and do even bigger things. To be completely honest with you once the magic of the new contract or the trip wore off it was like I was right back at square one again. Wondering if this was really for me, or not.

Honestly I can admit that another part of this was lack of recognition from some of my peers in the industry. My inner circle support system is awesome, but there were certain people I found myself desperate to impress. For some reason, I needed them to understand that not only was I good at what I do, I was a force to be reckoned with. I never got that validation from them, and I realized that I could no longer wait for it. Nor did I need it. None of these people provided me income, and I had done well this whole time without their stamp of approval. Once I let that go, it was just another step towards complete creative freedom.

The wild part is that I have a million ideas. I am constantly creating in my mind, I have a very full well of ideas to choose from literally 24/7. Being a creative is so easy and natural for me, and being in this space has been one of the most freeing and natural “jobs” I’ve ever had. The problem is that the imposter syndrome monster shoots every idea down. She is a real piece of work, she says things like: “People wouldn’t like that” “So and so would do that way better than you” or my favorite “who do you think you are? Insertbigbloggernamehere” It’s mind boggling how many ideas I have shot down before I ever gave them a chance to live.

In 2019, I am vowing to let go of the Imposter Syndrome.

It won’t be easy, and I am ready to fail–a lot–but I’m also ready to succeed. I’m ready to learn, stretch and grow into the creative that I know I am. I am determined to believe in myself and my ability to spread my message (and personality) to the world. I will stifle the negative voices once and for all. I will try new, radical ideas that I’ve always wanted to execute. I will stop second guessing myself. If it feels good, I will do/write/create whatever my heart tells me to, regardless of what everyone else is doing around me.

Imposter Syndrome is one of the toughest things to overcome. It's so hard! I've got a plan to tackle it and end it once and for all.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what is happening around us, in other people’s success, in trends, in doubt. It’s so easy to fall in line with all of the other soldiers. I urge you, my creative friends, step out of line in 2019. Do what you naturally want to do but are terrified to start. Imposter Syndrome is real. It’s incredibly powerful. The best part is, we can fight it by doing all the things we tell ourselves we can’t. Even if we fail, we are doing honest soul-driven work.

Here is to leveling up in 2019 and beyond.

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11 comments

Kendra December 17, 2018 - 7:43 am

Embrace all the wonderfulness that you are. I think you’re great.

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Turkesha McIvy December 17, 2018 - 7:48 am

OMG! Thank you for this amazing post. I too have struggled with the exact same thing. A few months ago I was like F-it. I’m doing me no master what? I’m
A CREATIVE GENIUS and I’m going to flow in my gift.

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Sanaa Brooks December 17, 2018 - 8:23 am

I’m glad there are people who I watch do GREAT things that I can relate to. I suffer with this SO bad! I finally got the job I wanted and now every day I’m like I can’t do this, I’m not doing a good job. Smh! And forget about blogging. I think sometimes we have so many ideas that we try to do them all at once and then we fail and we’re unforgiving. Here’s to living without fear in 2019 and getting over imposter syndrome!

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Andrea Eisen December 17, 2018 - 10:40 am

Oh goodness. I KNOW THIS.

I love you, friend, I’m so proud of you and think you will kick this to the curb. HARD.

See you soon and I’ll be hugging you super crazy hard. xo

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Aliah Davis December 17, 2018 - 11:29 am

You inspire so many and all of your accolades always impress and motivate me (and others). I relate to ALLLLL of this so much. But you’re right, you have to let go of those feelings and do the things you’re terrified to do so you can level up. YASSS to letting go on imposter syndrome and here’s to leveling up in 2019!

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Alisha December 17, 2018 - 12:19 pm

This is so me and I haven’t even done 1/10th of what you done and the negative self talk nearly beat me down last week. I do all this stuff and with minimal impact because barely anyone reads or notices what I’ve written so then I’m like “well eff it all”. Going to try and get back tobwinf more positive in 2019 and remember that I’m enough too and I don’t need anyone else’s validation.

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Joanna December 17, 2018 - 12:45 pm

Great post! This is me bad bad! Lol So bad that Indidn’t even think I’d get into my graduate program even though it clearly showed I was qualified. I really noticed it when I used to hide behind my former platform. It wasn’t until the split that I pushed myself to promote my own. Still feels funny sometimes, but if I don’t, who will?

That other blogger may NEVER acknowledge you, but they probably know who you are and watching what you’re doing. Keep doing you.

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Carla December 17, 2018 - 4:27 pm

First you know I totally relate to all of this. Next I read this and I kept thinking noy that I don’t meet you where you are – I never talk anybody out of what they’re feeling- but I kept having the thought of how easy it is for us to devalue that which comes easily to us.

I fucking love you. We have already established that. And you are successful because you are you. You do what comes naturally to you and that begets success.
I’m laughing because this makes so much sense and my cranium but I don’t think it does typed out. I just think you have such a gift and so often it’s hard for us to see the tremendous tremendous in here at value in that which comes easily to us.

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kita December 18, 2018 - 12:45 am

You did good this year! I am losing my gust for blogging so I am hoping the break during the holidays will revive me some but keep being who you are and doing what you do!

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Michele December 18, 2018 - 5:33 pm

You are fabulous just the way you are! Keep doing you!

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De Bolton December 19, 2018 - 10:08 pm

As always appreciative for your authenticity and can completely relate. Thank you for sharing the mind struggle it makes me feel less alone.

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