To Invite or Not Invite…What Would You Do?

To Invite or Not Invite…That is the question.

I love to plan events, if I could, I probably would do that full-time.

I love to plan birthday parties, girls night outs, book club meetings, christenings, you name it I love to plan it.

However, one part that I always get caught hesitating on is the invitee list.

Should be pretty simple, no?

Invite the people whom you want to celebrate this joyous occasion with.


But what if you have invited them over and over to events, and they have never attended?

Now this causes some awkwardness, especially if you see these people often (co-workers, church members, family members) and you consider yourself very close to them…you couldn’t possibly imagine them *not* celebrating with you.

How many times do you invite the person to an event?

Do you invite them a total of three times before you stop? Or do you continuously invite them, knowing they won’t show up?

Then, it presents a sort of awkwardness in the relationship…especially those who you consider yourself close with.

Especially, when they give you an excuse of why they couldn’t make it…again.

I know that I am pretty good at accepting rejection, if you don’t want to come, then I am totally okay with that. However, if I attend all of your events, and/or we are what I consider “close” then why not make the extra effort to come to my event?

Perhaps I am extra sensitive. Maybe I shouldn’t look so much into “attendance”.

I know this is an event filled year for us, my son’s third birthday coming up in March, my baby’s christening coming up in May and our wedding renewal coming up in August. I don’t want to give out “play” invites to people that I know won’t show up. I think we are better than that. I don’t want to seem…desperate?

What would you guys do? Have you ever had this situation?



Mommy. Fitness Addict. Socialite.
Schnelle "Nellie" Acevedo is a busy mom of two young boys (3 and 6), she is an Account Manager by day and a self proclaimed fitness junkie by night. Brooklyn Active Mama is a body positive community that focuses on demonstrating to all women that you can always find time for fitness. A recent running addict, Nellie has completed 7 Half Marathons and is currently training for the New York City Marathon on 11/1/2015. Nellie also is a co-founder of the annual A Healthy U Conference which is a conference dedicated to helping women improve their mental, spiritual and physical health. Nellie is a licensed Zumba instructor in Brooklyn. You can find Nellie on TwitterInstagramFacebookPinterest, PeriscopeGoogle Plus.


  1. Deciding who to invite to our wedding was one of the hardest things. in the end we invited the people we felt we wanted to spend our evening with the MOST and it ended up being an awesome day. there were some we really wanted to be there who couldn’t come and that was ok too because it happens. if the people you invite are able to come..they will come…

  2. Similarly to you, I give it 3 invites and after that I assume nope they’ll probably not come.

  3. April Dorris says:

    I have the opposite problem. I’m hesitating putting together the invite list for my wedding because there are a few people I don’t want to invite and they will expect an invitation. What to do?
    But I would stop inviting people that never show up. Stop wasting money on the invite.

  4. Agreed, it just gets weird after a while

  5. yes, I think I need to cap it at three and keep it moving!

  6. I agree, all I can do is extend the invite!

  7. I actually have a rule. You get 2 invites to eevents from me. If you just delcine both times or dont show up, you will get no more. BUT if you are truly apologetic for not being able to attend then I may extend another one. I will never beg anyone to come to my events. I dont want anyone to feel like they HAVE TO come to something they dont actually want to. Just be up front with me.

  8. HarlemLoveBirds says:

    I identify completely! I used to keep inviting the same non-attendees and have since my holiday cookie exchange I finally ‘took the hint” and have trimmed my standard invitee list substantially. So far no damage done. Good luck!

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